Caution, work in progress
11 years ago
2. How to...win the slot machine game
Everyone dreams to win a lotto game, achieve a large gain from gambling or make a profit from rich relative's death, but those are the things that are always happening to the others,since the most of us have to work hard to get any money. You know why? It's just because of two simply reasons:
- No-one can't afford to repeatedly play the lottery or to gamble until he wins.
- Doesn't have any rich relative willing to die, or if anyone has, he has no guts to kill him.
But do not desperate! Thank to your God that we are still here to share the secrets and wisdom of our greatest gambling experts with you.
You know what is the best part? You don't?
The best part is: ALL IS FOR FREE!
Everybody say Hallelujah! I can't hear it!
One more Hallelujah for me!
Come on, say it... No Hallelujah, no secrets... So?
Yeah...that's right!
(Sorry, sometimes I forget that I'm deaf.)
Now, let's go back to the topic. Our experts offer us four easy steps how to make profit of the slot machines game:
- DECISION
- PREPARATION
- STRESS HANDLING
- ACTION
1. DECISION
Even for the smallest step, good and constructive decision is essential. First of all, you have to ask yourself "What would I do to get rich?"
So, what are you really capable to do to get rich?
Can you steal?
Can you do a robbery?
Push a skunk into your ass?
Rhythmically fart the national anthem?
None of above?
What you're waiting than?
Cut the crap and say: Yes...I want to get rich, even though I have to crack the nuts by my rectum!
Did you say it? Congratulations, you have decided. Now you can go to the nearest casino just to feel the rush.
2. PREPARATION
Every successful action needs some good and efficient preparation, which is quite simple for our current task. All you need is to provide the items as it follows:
- Slot machine costume
- Canned beans
- Pictures of fruits on the plastic wheels
- Flashlight
- "Being Darth Vader" - the book
- Breath freshener
- Plan B
3. STRESS HANDLING
Gambling is a very stressful activity, so you have to do some stress handling before you start to earn your fortune, and the best way to do it is to play The Afghan Nintendo. Follow these simple instructions to become successful and unstressed gamer.
- Connect your hands
- Cross your fingers
- Twiddle the thumbs
To complete a level, you have to play for just five minutes. When you complete the game, you unlock another game mode, so you can play backwards. After completing the backwards mode, you unlock a special feature, a multiplayer game, where you can play with unlimited number of your friends. There's also available an online version of the game.
3. ACTION
Finally, now is the time to start earning some money. If you have made your preparation as we recommended, the rest of our mission will be easy as a pie.
1.Appearance
First of all, you have to put your Vegas slot machine costume on, facing a front side backward, positioning the slot somewhere in the middle of your bottom.
2. Placing
Enter the casino and find some good place among the other machines, but you have to pay attention to place yourself near the toilets, so you can do your machine maintenance.
3. Energy boost
Eat your canned beans, because you can't work efficiently as long as you're thinking about your empty stomach. If one can of beans is not enough, you can add another one to your preparation.
4. Principles of the game
Now, let the games begin...
Wait in a row for your first player. You can dance a little, sing some silly song, mumble a melody from "Saturday night fever", or do whatever is necessary to attract a player.
And, finally, you've found one!
At the start of the game he inserts the coin into the slot, and push it deep, until it ends in your asshole. You have to create some sound, so he can be sure that his bet was accepted.
Then the player starts to play.
While he's pushing your buttons, you have to spin the fruit pictures, but be careful... you should not make the winning combination, unless you have to fart. The moment you have to fart is the moment when the player wins.
At that situation, all you have to do is to put together the winning combination and start to shout " Ping, ping, ping" repeatedly, while you're turning you flashlight on and off. Then you have to fart as loud as you can, to attract the attention from other players, and try to fart out as less coins as you can. When player wins, he doesn't care how much money you have farted out, he's just delirious that he won.
If you had some players who have played a lot, and you feel a pressure at your sphincter, just go to the toilet,fart all the coins out your colon, and save them to the safe place. That's the money you have earned, easy and tax free.
If you're persistent enough, the sky is a limit for your earnings.
FAQ
5. Plan B
If you're not lucky in earning money with casino slot machines, you can always put a Coca Cola vending machine costume on, fill your ass up with Coca Cola cans, and fart them out for one dollar each. You can't earn as much as a casino slot machine, but that's the best way to get some experience before jumping back in the big game.
Here you can see how a good preparation process is looking like:
Finally, now is the time to start earning some money. If you have made your preparation as we recommended, the rest of our mission will be easy as a pie.
1.Appearance
First of all, you have to put your Vegas slot machine costume on, facing a front side backward, positioning the slot somewhere in the middle of your bottom.
2. Placing
Enter the casino and find some good place among the other machines, but you have to pay attention to place yourself near the toilets, so you can do your machine maintenance.
Eat your canned beans, because you can't work efficiently as long as you're thinking about your empty stomach. If one can of beans is not enough, you can add another one to your preparation.
4. Principles of the game
Now, let the games begin...
Wait in a row for your first player. You can dance a little, sing some silly song, mumble a melody from "Saturday night fever", or do whatever is necessary to attract a player.
And, finally, you've found one!
At the start of the game he inserts the coin into the slot, and push it deep, until it ends in your asshole. You have to create some sound, so he can be sure that his bet was accepted.
Then the player starts to play.
At that situation, all you have to do is to put together the winning combination and start to shout " Ping, ping, ping" repeatedly, while you're turning you flashlight on and off. Then you have to fart as loud as you can, to attract the attention from other players, and try to fart out as less coins as you can. When player wins, he doesn't care how much money you have farted out, he's just delirious that he won.
If you had some players who have played a lot, and you feel a pressure at your sphincter, just go to the toilet,fart all the coins out your colon, and save them to the safe place. That's the money you have earned, easy and tax free.
If you're persistent enough, the sky is a limit for your earnings.
FAQ
Q: What happens if I have to fart too often?
A: Don't worry about it. People like machines they can easily win. More you fart - more they win, more they win - more they play, more they play - more money you can gain.Just follow this simple logic, and you'll earn your money.
Q: What if I'm farting all the time?
A: Don't panic. Try to control your farting. Squeeze your ass, for Christ's sake, and use your breath freshener. If your fart stinks, your breath doesn't have to.
Q: What if I really can't control my farting?
A: Than it must be a beans overdose, you glutton. That is an emergency case, because the beans overdose leads you straight to the bankruptcy. Simulate the Darth Vader's voice and start to repeat "Machine is out of order...maintenance needed", while you're trying to reach the nearest toilet.
Q: What if I fart a shit out when player wins?
A: It's not a big deal. All the players are used to get a shit from the game. Maybe not in phisical form, but it doesn't make any difference.
Q: Are there any gender limitations?
A: Absolutely not. In this game everybody can participate: males, females and she-males. Females have the best chances to win, just due to a small physical advantage - they have two slots, and while they've got one moneybox empty, the other one remains untouched.
Q: What if I fail?
A: Then use a plan B
5. Plan B
Here you can see how a good preparation process is looking like:
TESTIMONIALS
Great tutorial and great career opportunity. I've started as the biggest Vegas slot machine, but I don't like a stressful living, so I changed my career. Now I'm a hot dog and tuna sandwich vending machine.